I’m not gonna lie the urge to cut just comes up with every stupid argument we have. I’m sick of feeling to blame. How the fuck is it fair when you say girls with short hair look like dudes and then yell at me when we meet one of your friends with short hair at the concert and I say she looks like a man? Seriously? 

And now I made the mistake of saying “I’d date you tomorrow if you asked”. So now I have that hanging over my shoulder.

I just don’t know man. I am not a fan of these constant arguments. This is why I grew to be okay with walking away.

Fuck it, whatever. I’m just gonna be really fucking honest.

I miss Dillon. 

I want to work things out with him for some reason.

Also I’ve gained like 5 pounds and that disgusts me and I can’t stop eating. God dammit.

Also I feel like every single one of my friends is doing something absolutely moronic in their relationships and I want to slap every one of them.

Maybe it’s just cynical because I’ve been in the same situations as them before, but still. Lily is just being a downright bitch to poor Will, cheated on him several times and is dumping him just for some other kid she has already drunkenly hooked up with a thousand times. Emily was fucking a 24 year old guy at 18, everyone seems to be breaking up. Dillon’s dating a fucking controlling tyrant bitch, Brendan who is not even my friend but still is dating an ugly ass 30 year old man person thing but is still flirting with everyone on tumblr and getting away with it because she has no clue he has one (and oh let me tell you, I will find some way and I will change that you’re very welcome), and uh…. I don’t even know.

Steph had Mike leave her for like a week, and Britt just got broken up with and Steph and Mike are back together and idk what will happen with Britt and Craig but judging from her post it might get better. Maybe it’s just me but I can’t believe any of that shit anymore. I can’t do it. I got screwed over so many times with shit like that thinking it would actually change. I can’t do it anymore. If someone wants to leave then there’s no turning back for me I guess. That’s why I’m so wary to let Brendan back in. And also he makes me realize how much I hate every fucking thing about him almost all the time so yeah.

Fuck life.

I don’t even know where to start.

Brendan is trying to be weird friends with me, but it’s hard when you say “I still think about us living together” and then tell me how much you miss me, then call me crying and freaking out about how you don’t do anything right, then later on tell me it’s because your girlfriend freaked out over your Facebook status. Then today ask me why I posted “Sex really does change everything” and then cut off our conversation because you were hungry and horny.

You don’t fucking say that to me. I spent half my day crying over that.

Not like Dillon is any better. He freaked and left and then unfriended me and flipped out and tried to tell me that since he was in photos of mine he owns them. Not so much. Now we’re on okay terms, we were fine at the show and shoot on Friday, but I guess his girlfriend flipped out because he was hanging out with me and now his mom wants to hunt me down. 

Legit Sarah is a fucking nutcase. So since he’s so fucking whipped he barely talks to me and won’t accept my friend request on Facebook. Awesome.

AJ can’t hold a conversation for more than like ten minutes, Nyles is adorable but i’m getting ahead of myself and yeah that’s about it I have no life and no friends and I just feel like utter unsuccessful shit.

That’s all.

Wow.

He blocked me yesterday during the day because I wanted him to stop being a dick at make ten minutes of his time to go see Joan. 

Sure.

Because that all makes sense.

And you “don’t know how to unblock” me.

Okay.

Forget the conversation we had, seriously, go fuck yourself.

Talking to Dillon all night last night made me realize how good it felt to have a person who truly cares about you in your life.

I don’t know when I last had that.

Thats scary to think about.

First thing he said was “I’m sorry for everything that happened. I’m sorry I burned the bridge between us, if I hadn’t maybe I would have been able to help you more through this”.

Meanwhile Brendan is just like “I said sorry two weeks ago” and refuses to say it again. Sure makes me wonder how sorry you really are. 

Idk.